I am getting

extremely antsy about the situation that's developing, and I expect I'll be totally nutty by the time I can take any active steps to find out what's going on.

I imagine the Lord is making me sweat this out so I'll learn some patience, but I can't say I'm enjoying it. The paranoid side is waiting for the whole thing to blow up, the hopeful part just wants it done so I can proceed. Neither side is handling the wait very well.

There's a Jewish saying - "Hashem Yirachem" - God will have mercy, that is often used when putting yourself in His capable hands and trusting that He knows what's best. I've been using it a lot lately, and I mean it most of the time. Mostly I am accepting of this particular hand, but the potential for success is pretty high, and the failure of this one would be devastating.

What will be will be, but I admit that I'm not learning the patience part as well as I probably should.