Before I Forget

Shana Tovah, everybody.

Busy Busy Busy

Not cleaning for Passover, of course. That's for last minuting like usual. I do, however, have the perfect retelling of the Passover experience for this modern age:

The 2010 Facebook Haggadah

Enjoy whilst you eat your leavened or unleavened bread!

This is wrong

on so, so many levels:

Santa Dreidel

I understand there are many intermarried people, but the whole point of the Chanukah story was the defeat of another faith (OK, pagans, but you get the point) by the Jews who refused to surrender their God.

I guess hip kitsch offends me when they start messing with my faith.

I am back

from our Passover break, wherein again we traveled to the Southern Stronghold of the Washington, DC suburbs.

What to talk about? Matzah, potatoes, eggs, onions. It's Taco Bell for Jews (take the same 5 ingredients and mix in different ways.) Our hostess got sick at the beginning, I got sick (and pulled my back out) at the end, and a grand time was had by all.

Oh, and all heck broke loose at work, or it seemed that way if you were an ignorant troglodyte who never figured how to ask the right questions of the right people. IMPORTANT people need things, and nobody bothered asking exactly what they wanted. My last attempts (or frankly responsibility) for this ended last July, and in the end I have no idea what's happening.

C'est la guerre.

Lest you think

I have permanently packed it in, I am still around. The last batch of holidays concluded this evening, which is my excuse for not following up the last post.

I remain unhappy with my professional lot, but the rest of life is fine for the most part. The trouble with all the holidays packed in to a single month is... well, they're packed into a single month. There's not much time to settle down, and by the end of it we're all pretty sick of it. A friend pointed out we were at our synagogue (which is an offshoot of the main one in town, and thus only meets weekly rather than daily) 21 out of the last 29 days; when you consider we usually have services in the building eight days out of a normal month, that's a lot.

As for the other, I am resigned for the moment to where things are. I'm back to cranking out the necessary paperwork, and the phone is ringing a bit which is good. I admit I'd rather the Lord not tease me any more - if it ain't gonna happen, I'd rather not get my hopes up.

So I apologize for the overdramatic fit of pique last week. Last Saturday we read Ecclesiastes at services, and it's a healthy reminder that most of our petty concerns are fleeting and meaningless. This too shall pass.

Somewhat tardily

I'd like to wish my three remaining readers a joyous and meaningful New Year. Unlike some other persuasions, we Hebrews use the turning of the calendar as an opportunity for prayer, introspection, and above all repentance. Like all humans (shocking as it may seem) I do have my faults. This time is meant for me to reflect on those failures and attempt to repent them and correct them.

Part of that, of course, involves asking forgiveness from those we have hurt, intentionally or not. So I ask pardon from any of you I may have offended.

Naturally it's also a time to ask God for blessing for the coming year, and I certainly have some specific requests of the Lord. I don't know how well I've done over the last two days, but I certainly prayed with purpose this year. What will be will be, and at the end of it all we depend heavily on God's mercy and patience with us weak-willed humans.

Holiday itself was nice - out for lunch yesterday, guests today. A beef roast referred to locally as brick roast was outstanding - cooked in red wine, low & slow, and I think I had six slices. It went over well with oldest child as well. Lots of prayer, shofar blowing, too much food - does it get any better?

So happy New Year all around, and may we all be inscribed in the Book of Life.

All right, Outta the Pool

Mr. Possum loses this one; no additional SkinnyJuniors as of yet. Plenty of matzah and associated GI distress, a considerable lack of sleep, but no babies delivered Chez Skinny at any point over the extended holiday weekend.



Mr. P had selected a girl, arriving on 4/20. Mrs. Skinny would've been happy to oblige, but Jr. ain't quite ready yet. Updates as events warrant.

Leftovers

Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, apple pie, chocolate chip cookies were consumed.



Effluvia from sick child were cleaned up, sheets, PJs, towels were washed.



Guest room was slept in so sick child could stay in my bed.

Oh, and By the By...

Shana Tovah to all and sundry. May we all be blessed with a happy, healthy, and sweet new year.

Passover

Is here, I am with friends, and matzah is doing its usual number on my innards.

So that's the update.

Purim Roundup

I finally have some time to talk about what was a truly spectacular success with Mishloach Manot this year. Mrs. says the idea was hers, but I don't think she's entirely correct. Both of us certainly contributed to the execution, so either way we both deserve credit.

It was truly a fabulous idea, and it all began simply enough two and a half years ago with a brief conversation with our then new neighbor...

Neighbor, you see, works for the Orthodox Union - one of the main kashruth supervising agencies in the world, certainly in North America. As one of their food

supervisors, he goes around certifying various products and manufacturing facilities. One of the tiny perks of his position are many rolls of kosher tape - like the big rolls of "caution" or "police line tape, only it's sticky and it says "the enclosed product is kosher unless the seal is tampered."

Now, whichever of us thought of it asked neighbor for a roll of the tape (which they had used to seal moving boxes) for some Purim deviltry. The idea was to apply kosher tape to a food product, or simulation of one, that would not normally be kosher.

Like, say, a McDonald's bag with a cheeseburger inside?

Indeed.

So was born an idea that it took us two years to execute - we just couldn't get it together in time for Purim before. But this year, Mrs. happens to have a cake decorating magazine with directions for something called candy clay. You take candy melts, add corn syrup, and Presto! - a moldable hunk of chocolate. Said magazine also contained instructions for? A BBQ grill, including burgers and hot dogs, made entirely out of candy.

How fortuitous.

Add the idea of yellow-chocolate dipped pretzels, Drake's apple pies, and a visit to a faraway Golden Arches to secure the bags and...

Well, look at the pictures and you'll see the results:

The Burger, assembled
Y'want fries with that?
Three essential food groups
Open bag, with press release visible
And the deal, sealed

So, that's the deal. There were several pieces that would have put this into the stratosphere of legendary Shalach Manot - a happy meal toy inside (considered from Oriental Trading, but shipping would have been more than the toy itself), and as a friend pointed out, me in a visor & MickeyD's shirt delivering it, but I think we did pretty well all considered.

No, I will not try & top this next year. We're going back to simple, I think.

Happy Whatever You're Celebrating! T3

As I sit here at home, able to breathe only intermittently, what better way to celebrate a sick day than answering the Thursday Three?

1. Best/worst Christmas/holiday party you have attended?

Nothing is really standing out except the first one I went to (six years ago) at my current job. Invited to the boss' house in Greenwich, CT (very chi chi, trust me), we're driving up from our then home in the Bronx in the midst of a miserable rain on sneaky back roads with no lights. We get to one road we had been told to use (through a country club, naturally) and the road is under about 5 feet of water. Mrs. is nine months pregnant, we nearly hit a deer, and we're struggling in the dark to find a way around to where this guy lives.

All this to spend two hours with people I barely knew.

2. Best/worst religious Christmas/holiday activity.

I love the religious part of Chanukah Light the candles, sing Maoz Tzur (Rock of Ages to the unlearned, and all six stanzas thank you very much) acknowledge God's assistance in allowing our ancestors to defeat the pagans and cleanse the Temple. I've grown to dislike intensely the commercialization. Don't get me wrong, I love watching my kids get gifts and their joy, but we've had to get them to calm down and wait while we take care of the critical part of the holiday. There are too many people in the Jewish world who treat Chanukah like the Jewish Christmas, and I can't say I love that.

Oh, and I absolutely LOATHE Christmas music.

3. Best/worst gift--given or received?

I'm sure there is, but nothing specific is coming to mind right now. Although the huge boxes of Godiva Chocolates we used to get at my last job were fabulous.

Turkey Day Roundup

So, how was everything? In Order:

• Turkey - Fabulous. We didn't really have enough leftovers for the Shabbos guests as planned since everybody ate so much. I had to grill chickens on Friday to make up for it.
  
• Gravy - Ask the Mrs. She seemed happy.
  
• Rolls - Thanks Mom!
  
• Cranberry Sauce - Pureed. Mrs. had the bright idea to run the immersion blender, as she actually doesn't like big cranberry bits. We thought of sticking it in an empty can just to get the lines on it.
  
• Corn Muffins - I can admit it now Thanksgiving is over. They had sugar in them. They went over well with all my ignorant Yankee relatives anyway.
  
• Mashed Spuds - Fine
  
• Sweet Pertaters - UNBELIEVABLE. That's mostly because I REALLY like onions, and this was full of 'em.
  
• Chestnut Stuffing - I didn't try it.
  
• Sausage Stuffing - Came out extremely well. As it turned out the package of what I thought was Andouille sausage was actually southwest, so there was no debate over spicy/not spicy.
  
• Apple Pie - Became apple tart. Mom couldn't find her pie pans. It was good, but she keeps using tart apples and it ends up sharper than I'd like.
  
• [Possibly] Chocolate Cake - Definitely chocolate cake. We had enough time to get it done.

On the whole it's one of the most relaxed T-Days I can remember having. We were organized, ready on time, and the table was set by 10:30 for a 4:30 start. We barely entertained the children and they behaved well all day anyway. Usually when we're at my mom's she's so insane it ends up tense. Instead we had a lovely, relaxed dinner.

(And, like all good Thanksgivings, I was able to recycle the leftovers of Wednesday's blogpost into this one.)

Tomorrow's Menu

is as follows:

• Turkey
• Gravy
• Rolls
  
• Cranberry Sauce
• Corn Muffins
• Mashed Spuds
• Sweet Pertaters
• Chestnut Stuffing
• Sausage Stuffing
• Apple Pie
• [Possibly] Chocolate Cake

We're hosting my folks & my brother & his family; mom is bringing the chestnut stuffing, rolls, and apple pie, and I think brother is bringing drinks. The rest is on our heads, though the muffins, mashed, and cranberry sauce are all done. Thanks to a wonderful company out in California I will be able to make sausage stuffing today - I just have to negotiate with Mrs. whether to add the spicy sausage or do something lame. It's my brother's birthday on Sunday, hence the possibility of birthday cake.

The turkey is last year's freebie from work - it's been in the freezer for 11 months, which hopefully is not too long. It's going on the grill someplace around 12 or 1 PM, with the meal hitting around 4 or 4:30. Mrs. will need enough time for the gravy, so I may put it up a little earlier.

I'm getting hungry already.

I am back

and much better fed & watered than yesterday. I would like to say Yom Kippur was filled with the awe & dignity it deserved, and largely it was. As always my concentration was not exactly where I wanted it, but as usual I did my best.

G'mar Chatima Tovah, all.